Her junior year, Sylvia Chin, ’25, was looking for a tech internship when she attended an Apple-sponsored networking session.
“It was a little overwhelming to see everybody rush toward their favorite [Apple] department,” she says. Instead of getting swept up by the crowd, Chin gathered information on the presenters who sparked her interest and later contacted them through LinkedIn. As a former student of Nita Singh Kaushal, ’03, founder of her own leadership-training company after holding senior roles at Yahoo and Intel, Chin followed her advice: Reach out, show up, follow up.
Kaushal (Photo: ©Charles Le/FollowCharles.com)
“I sent one of those notes on LinkedIn saying, ‘I missed you at the event but would love to hear more about your role if you have 10 minutes to chat or get coffee,’ ” Chin says. “I ended up meeting people I will be working with.” After two summer internships at Apple, she will start a full-time job there in June.
Networking—the art of making connections and building relationships—opens avenues for academic and professional growth and to resources like mentors, funding, and job leads. But networking is a word that can rattle people.
“It’s cringy,” says Kaushal, a lecturer on leadership and negotiation for both the School of Engineering and Stanford Continuing Studies, where she designs curriculum as well. “People are like, ‘Yuck, this feels forced.’ A lot of us are thrown into so-called networking situations, like a meetup or some sort of gathering, and it can feel superficial—the best part is probably the free food and drink.”
It doesn’t have to be this way. Networking is just one of many tools linked to long-term professional success and satisfaction, Kaushal says. For years, career experts have said that most job openings—with estimates as high as 80 percent—are never posted to the public. Personal connections might help you find an unposted, “hidden” job—or help with career advancement and fulfillment.
“You can achieve success by yourself, but that might not be the smartest way to do it,” she says. “It could be the hardest way to do it. Knowing how to ask for help and who to ask for help is an instrumental skill regardless of what your goal is, whether it’s academic, professional, or personal.”
Reach out
Big industry mixers have their place, but meaningful connections may be closer than you think, Kaushal says—and in places that feel more natural. Start with your existing circle—professors, co-workers, managers, family connections. Maybe you heard an impressive guest speaker recently or discovered that a friend’s sibling does similar work to yours or learned that your alumni network will put you in touch with potential mentors.
People tend to overthink this step, Kaushal says. “Often, they’re trying to find the perfect match, like a CEO of an engineering company. It doesn’t have to be an Oprah Winfrey or some huge, high-profile person.”
Ask yourself who you already know who might offer helpful career advice or show you how to take the next step. From mentors to managers, before you hunt for new contacts, examine and nurture the ones you already have.
If your current network seems lacking, do some research to find people with relevant expertise or who could be helpful collaborators. Be creative. Consider senior members of your organization, event organizers, club leaders. For example, if you’re generally happy in your job, reaching out through LinkedIn or professional organizations may connect you with peers in your field with whom you can share ideas that allow you to approach your work with new energy and creativity.
“Think about people who can provide you with guidance, with insight, with help opening that door to the next opportunity,” Kaushal says. Some contacts may be mentors or role models, others can lend perspective on workplace politics or give advice on asking for a promotion, making a lateral move, or even switching industries.
Show up
Introducing yourself to a speaker or fellow attendee at a conference or asking a professor for a letter of recommendation sounds simple, but Kaushal says that her students often feel like they’re imposing. First, Kaushal says, remember that speakers typically want to share their knowledge and professors want to help their students. Next, you may feel more confident if you research the person and think carefully about why you are contacting them.
Kaushal has another tip: Avoid the generic email request—one you could have sent to 20 other people. Instead of vague statements like “I’m looking for a mentor” or “I would love to catch up,” be specific and explain why their work interests you.
“Let’s say one of my students is reaching out to me for additional guidance or support,” Kaushal says. “So, she makes an introduction in an email: ‘My name is Sarah Smith, and I had the pleasure of taking your business course last spring. The dashboard you introduced has been a complete game changer. I find myself using it all the time.’ This shows me that we had a meaningful interaction. It’s an example of someone trying to make an authentic connection with someone they are truly interested in.” Articulate why this person could be uniquely helpful to you—at this point in your life.
To increase the odds the person will respond positively, Kaushal cautions against the “overwhelming ask.” Avoid long-winded emails that may scare off the reader—or go unread. Be succinct and to the point.
“I always tell people to make their asks very clear and thoughtful and to be really flexible,” she says. “I like it when people are appreciative of my time and don’t make an overwhelming ask like ‘We need to talk for three hours, and it has to be at this date, this time, and I need to do it now.’ ” Try something simpler and more specific like a quick chat to discuss how to get your manager to consider your ideas or to position yourself for a special project at work.
If you’re asking for a letter of recommendation, give the professor plenty of time to meet your deadlines. If you’re hoping to have a conversation with a work colleague, propose meeting for coffee or arranging a short Zoom call. Here too, be specific and flexible. Your email might say, “I’m working on a new customer survey and would love your advice. Maybe we could talk for 20 minutes whenever is convenient for you?”
Follow up
You did your homework and crafted a thoughtful email, but it’s been a week or more without a reply. What then? Don’t worry, Kaushal says.
“I get plenty of emails I’m not quick to respond to,” she says. “It’s nothing personal.” You can try resending the message with a new intro at the top like: I wanted to follow up on the email I sent below to see if you have 20 minutes to chat about sustainable investment trends. Avoid guilting them for not responding, Kaushal says. And if you never hear back, try not to let it get you down.
“Sometimes we take it as an automatic rejection: ‘See, I knew they weren’t going to respond. I knew they didn’t like me,’ ” she says. “But more often than not, it has nothing to do with you. Maybe they were sick or maybe they were out of the country. And just because somebody is amazing at their career doesn’t mean they’d make a great mentor. The important thing to remember throughout this process is to not take it personally.”
When things do go as planned, thank them for their advice or for pointing out a helpful resource.
“This shows sincere interest and that their time mattered,” Kaushal says. “The other beautiful thing is that it keeps the door open for future correspondence.” So don’t be afraid to reach out again down the line. People appreciate hearing how their advice may have helped you. And maybe you kick off a correspondence that becomes meaningful for both of you.
“There are different tiers of connection in our lives,” Kaushal says. Some relationships are going to be more shallow, which is fine. With others, you may feel a genuine connection that makes you want to maintain a longer-term relationship. By reaching out and meeting for an occasional coffee, you may find you share a lot in common or develop an interest in collaborating.
“I always try to see if there is a way to collaborate, because it really builds trust in the relationship quickly,” Kaushal says. It could be formally through a work project or informally outside of the workplace—some way for both of you to share personal knowledge or guidance or best practices.
“What I’m seeing out there is that what’s keeping us human is still so important,” Kaushal says. “Even though there’s a lot of buzz and excitement about AI and how fast things are moving, there are still huge questions: How do we create value? How do we stay relevant? I think an instrumental part of figuring that out is having the ability to connect with people on your journey.”
Tracie White is a senior writer at Stanford. Email her at traciew@stanford.edu.
