William Damon's concept of "respectful engagement" breaks down into a four-part formula. In Greater Expectations: Overcoming the Culture of Indulgence in Our Homes and Schools (Free Press, 1996; $12), he says that parents who repeat this exercise as their children mature will help instill a sense of right and wrong.
1. Find or create some subject or project in which both you and your child have an interest.
2. Structure the conversation or the work or the play in a way that introduces your intellectual or moral agenda to the child.
3. Encourage the child to take an active part in the conversation or the project, and allow the child to express his or her views freely, even if they seem wrong.
4. Express your own perspective with clarity and conviction, in ways that the child can understand.
-- T.G
