Branner Will Never Suck?!

Illustration: Michele McCammon

Where they sunbathe on a picturesque green, you see the ghost of Meyer Library’s 24-hour study room. Inspired by the annual Mindset List, here are 23 things that are different—about Stanford and about its frosh—as the Class of ’23 steps onto campus.

  1. More of them will major in computer science than in anything else. Sorry, hum bio.
  2. They will never attend Flicks. But Netflix has always been an option.
  3. The nickname "Cardinal" will turn 40 while they are students.
  4. In the face-off among all-frosh dorms, Branner will never suck. It’s hard to make fun of a public-service theme house for upperclassmen.
  5. There have always been IntroSems.
  6. Lake Lagunita has always been a protected tiger salamander habitat.
  7. They will never have a beer at the Oasis. Mercifully, Zott’s has reopened.
  8. There have always been housed sororities.
  9. They will never Cross the Line.
  10. The path to the Dish has always been paved.
  11. They will have always been able to major in bioengineering.
  12. They will never step inside a campus library called Meyer (or UGLI).
  13. Fertility companies have always offered female Stanford students $50,000 for egg donation.
  14. They will never buy most of their textbooks at the Bookstore.
  15. Stanford researchers have always been analyzing the human genome sequence.
  16. They will have always been able to minor in human rights. Heck, they will have always been able to minor.
  17. At least one of Stanford’s seven schools has always been headed by a woman.
  18. The “new” stadium opened the year they entered kindergarten.
  19. They will never be required to enroll in a three-quarter frosh humanities sequence.
  20. Stanford has always had a women’s lightweight rowing team.
  21. They will never be yelled at by the proprietor of the Thai Café.
  22. Sleep and Dreams is not taught by William Dement. (But drowsiness is still red alert.)
  23. There has always been at least one Stanford alum on the U.S. Supreme Court.

Summer Moore Batte, ’99, is editor of Kathy Zonana, ’93, JD ’96, is editor of Stanford. All their college papers are trapped on floppy disk. Email them at and